It’s not me, it’s you – Relationship Detox

It’s not me, its you.


You know that person in your life that is a constant downer? The person who seems to suck the life out of the room when they walk in, or when they call you, you automatically feel like ignoring the call? Yeaaaaa this is about them…. and us, but mostly them.


When we talk about relationship detoxing, we aren’t just talking about getting out of a bad romantic relationship, or salvaging some kind of romantic notion that two people are meant to be together forever, we are examining all of our relationships. Our friends, our family, our coworkers, our neighbors, anyone who is in our environment and therefore shares an energy exchange with us, these are the ties that we are analyzing here.


So because we all have the attention span of goldfish nowadays, lets break it down here. Here’s how to detox your relationships, and in effect foster a positive environment for your own personal growth.


  1. Make a list of the people closest to you

    • Think about how you feel when you are with them. Do they make you feel happy? Are you free to be yourself around this person? Do you ever wish you could have an escape rope, to leave the dinner early?
  2. Decide if each of these people have a positive or negative impact on your life

    • Take the overall feel of your relationship and make it very black and white, is this a positive relationship or a negative one? First thought, best thought.
  3. Figure out what kind of relationship you have with that person

    • Is this a friend who you’ve known forever? Is it someone who you met a few months ago at some party? Did this person play a part in making you?   How much of a connection is there?
  4. Assess how much time you spend with that person

    • Is this a coworker you see everyday? Or a friend who you see every month? Is it a roommate that is just always around? Try and give it a number, and objectively assess how much time you spend with that person.


Now that you have your list and you’ve decided whether it’s a positive/negative relationship, how much of a connection you have with that person and how much time you spend with them, consider how you might want to move things around.


  1. Do you think it would be best for you to spend more or less time with these people?

    • Be brutally honest here. I’ll spare the examples because there’s no judgment on anyone, but are your goals aligned with the actions you would take when you spend time with that person?
  2. Now make your environment hospitable for growth.

    • Here’s where we have to be unapologetically genuine and mindful with ourselves. Are we creating an environment that is healthy, happy and productive?   We need to make the decisions to either spend more time with people or less.   And that’s OK.   It doesn’t mean that we don’t love these people; it means that we need to set ourselves up for a successful and happy life. So we need to consciously make the decisions that will be best for us, and for them.   We could get into codependent relationships, enabling certain behaviors and dealing with feelings of general “white knight syndrome”, but this detox is for you to live your best life, and if you’re looking to help someone, sometimes the best help is just being an example, so live your best life in efforts to help them do that as well.


Relationship detoxing is so important, we have control over who we let in our lives and who we don’t, so do your best to make sure everyone is rowing in the same direction of positivity and mutual support. When our inner circles are cohesive, flowing energy exchanges, we have finally set up en environment of support that is the foundation of all of our life changes.   So examine, celebrate, be grateful for and uncompromising of our relationship’s and we’re one step closer to true happiness.



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